Since the beginning of time we had mentors. The modern lie: we can figure life out alone.

On why we can't build an authentic & fulfilled life in isolation, we're human.

Were you one of the lucky kids, with fond memories of your formative years at school? Yes, no? Stay on, this matters!

Do you remember a teacher that really supported you, saw your talents, your strengths and was also able to guide you beyond your own limitations and beliefs? Maybe this positive experience allowed you to trust in mentors and coaches and encouraged you to proactively seek those during your higher education, internships, and first years in a job or leadership position. You knew how valuable a personal cheerleader and kind critic can be on your way to building a fulfilled life and hence may have also considered guidance in what truly matters, you, yourself, your life!

If you didn’t have similar encounters to cherish, maybe you always wondered what it might be like? Mentoring a promised medicine? Despite all your experiences, maybe you still had trust in finding your people, your village to make up for all that you didn’t have? And maybe this wasn’t you either.

No matter where you are now and where you were coming from. You probably know one thing from talking to people around you: most underestimate themselves.

The majority of us are their own harshest haters and not enthusiastic cheerleaders.

And so was I. For most of my life, I was heavily disconnected from myself, my potential. Encouraged by some, discouraged by others. Believing the louder voices, playing safe, and staying small. You too?

I felt so distant from my authentic self for most of my teenage years and twenties, that I didn’t dare to dream, think big and try things out. At 24 years old, I was asked by a stranger at a bar what my dreams were in life. No one was really sober anymore at this point. I stared at them extremely uncomfortably and admitted that I had no dreams. I was deadly serious and laughing awkwardly trying to sound cool, like I didn’t care.

I had no dreams.

All I wanted was to be safe. I had a list of things I did for sure not want in my life.
Oh dear younger self, this is not how you should feel in your early 20s!

I did care deeply and this memory wouldn’t leave me, stuck around much longer than the terrible hangover the next day. Above all it made me be extra hard on myself for not having things figured out, for not being able to spit out a rainbow-coloured vision for my life at any random time and place. What a failure, I thought.

I always felt like I needed to prove myself and for the sake of doing so, do what others thought I wasn’t capable of — a silly game with rules of insecurity and defiance.
Moving abroad alone, my study choices, taking extra difficult exams, and applying for competitive jobs. These were not my deepest desires, these were reactions to my surrounding. I convinced myself of wanting what I did. It always felt difficult, force almost. Changing direction, venturing out on a new path? No way! That would have been equal to weakness and resignation, losing the game I mastered over the years.

My coping mechanisms: Whenever I started feeling empty and extremely restless, I had to change something externally. Whenever I felt stuck I moved to a new place or changed jobs, and did further trainings, hoping it would bring insights, happiness and a closer connection to the person I should know by then, myself.
I met others with similar patterns and many with more extreme ones. We become the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with or rather, like attracts like…right?

Last year, at 29, I had enough.

I had enough of trusting others more than myself.

Enough of living a life I wasn’t sure was actually mine.

I almost moved country again, starting from 0 once more. Why? Because I could, was free, independent and young, because I wanted to prove I could. Thankfully, a kind voice asked me who else I needed to demonstrate this ability to? Why was I restlessly running? That the new country wouldn’t be any '“better” or make me happier. Wow!

A late quarter-life crisis? Saturn return? Who knows. My view on life shattered in front of my eyes or rather the glasses I was looking through the whole time broke.

I had enough of not knowing my deepest desires, having no dreams and just a list of things I didn’t want to experience. I decided to not move to the fourth country at this point but return "closer” to home, which felt scary close to where I grew up, where everyone knew the old version of me.
While I had to continuously remind people of who I had become and who I no longer was (an ongoing process because will parents and aunties ever actually see us as independent adults?), the familiarity allowed me to relax, soften, stress less and go inward more.

Since I had been just running from but not towards myself for most of my life until then, I figured it was perhaps time to find someone who can hold space for me, not like a therapist, not like a teacher, not like a coach all telling me where I should search and ideally what I should find.

I wanted someone to purely witness me on my journey and ask questions that inspire reflection and (self)discovery. Someone who could help me unpack the dreams I was hoping would be hiding somewhere inside me. Someone who could meet me where I’m at and gently journey with me home to myself. Someone who could share an embodied practice rather than talk like a therapist.
I had no idea what that meant or could look like, whether it was a crazy idea… I was just so frustrated. I wanted to learn to trust myself, speak up for my needs, and desires and with that build a future that feels like mine, actually truly mine.

Investing in myself this way felt scary, not only a financial commitment but deeply intimate as it required me to let go of control, of wanting to know my destination.

What if it didn’t work like all the other things I tried over the years, especially professional coaching and all the courses?
I have endless training under my belt, deep knowledge of mental health, female physiology, nutrition, yoga, and sound therapy and worked with someone on my presentation skills and confidence.
I was so full of knowledge in my head, should I not be able to figure this all out by myself? Also, I was educated at one of the world’s best universities, was that not enough?

I had a feeling but no clear words for the fact that I actually didn’t really embody any of my collected knowledge. How when there was so much disconnect?

So here I am, reflecting on the past 7 months since I started working with the most amazing women who aren’t forcing any concepts on me.

What has been unfolding since?

• 7 months where creative juices have flown like never before. Painting, writing, singing, embroidery, growing vegetables on my balcony….

• 7 months where I cried more, laughed more, had more light bulb moments, and felt more discomfort and connection to myself than ever before.

• 7 months of discovering grief, fear and frustration. Grief, fear and frustration I had no idea were sitting in so many parts of my body. And I don’t need to judge myself for that. It’s okay.

• 7 months of slowly discovering an unshakable vision of a life I want to create and why. I question, dissect, and have started putting puzzle pieces together.

• 7 months of letting go of some dreams that felt big but ended up not being mine. A painful process of acknowledging and saying goodbye to those.

• 7 months of truly slowing down, carving out non-negotiable time to sit with me, create rituals for myself, and live closer to nature’s seasons.

• 7 months of moving from my head more into my body and witnessing how all the seeds I planted are starting to shoot up and grow. I feel more connected to myself.

• 7 months of saying no. Unshakable boundaries I am able to hold with loving kindness.

• 7 months of resting when I need it. And I know now when, because I feel my body, understand its language, and can interpret and translate. This is a relief. Less guessing.

• 7 months of deeper connection with others, more open conversations, trust. On a personal and professional level being able to hold space for others and truly listen.

And yes, there were times when I felt exhausted and didn’t want to continue, I had a job to perform at and life happened too. Times, where it all felt too much, too inconvenient, too overwhelming, and too personal. The next moment I always realised how I was able to navigate challenges like never before, understanding my needs on such a deep level that I knew, I needed to continue. Continue no matter what.

Every step brings me closer to myself. Every thought, every sentence, every tear, every laugh. Exponentially, but the beginning can feel like nothing is moving.

As I write this, the peak of the year is just behind us. What I have sown I will be harvesting in the weeks, months and years to come. I am grateful to be held and witnessed as I am exploring and continuing this journey home, rooting in myself.

I wish every woman could have this safe space, could be held in this transformative and embodied way. I wish every woman could explore without being told where or what to look for. We already know we need to learn to listen to ourselves again.

We have all these expectations on our shoulders, carrying generational weight that causes numbness and pain. By looking more closely and going deep within, we can leave some of this baggage behind, a truly freeing experience. And don’t we all want to be living an authentic life that we can call ours, fully?

Nowadays, we have to proactively seek to be held in this way.
Women used to live in more close-knit circles since it has always taken a village to raise a child, birth a business or till the soil to grow food.
We are so used to being independent and strong that we have often never experienced resting on someone else’s shoulder, to be guided and witnessed as we break down before we gather ourselves again and start shining from the insight out.

We only thrive in co-creation.

We don’t need to figure it all out alone, we can’t actually. We aren’t made for it. Never in history was this required, why are we having these expectations of ourselves now?

In case any of this resonates, in case you are on a similar journey. I hope this gave you some inspiration to start searching for someone to witness you.

Take your time! Take your sweet time.

Important is to find “your person”. This is not the most expensive, most famous or most unique person. You view them as a guru? Nope, look further. Find an authentic someone you can connect with, learn from and feel inspired by. On eye-level!

What has been most striking to me in finding the person I wanted to go on this journey with: everyone can be a coach, mentor or teacher. We all have talents, skills and knowledge we can share. But trainings alone aren’t it.
No degree, certificate or exam can create a space to truly listen, to speak openly, to cry and laugh, and to grow. It’s the lived experiences, the applied embodied knowledge. And to give back later in whatever capacity, as a friend, mother, partner, coach, therapist, teacher, or consultant… we need to be witnessed and held first, on a deeply personal level. W-i-t-h-o-u-t e-x-c-e-p-t-i-o-n.

This is also why I am taking my sweet time to figure out how I can share my (embodied) knowledge I gathered over the years in a new way. I am going inward to explore what really is truly mine, how I can show up as myself and not a clone of all the trainings I completed, books I read, people I learned from, certificates and degrees I collected over the years.

Writing is medicine, my creative outlet in the process, hence you’re reading this.

Thank you for staying on until the end. Now, take a deep breath and nourish yourself in whatever capacity you need to be seen right now. Until next time!

* Painting in the header: Peder Severin Krøyer: Summer evening on Skagen Sønderstrand. 1893