You summarised my many words so well in just a short sentence, love it. It’s definitely almost a philosophical question to think about how this is a more modern phenomenon with podcasts and phones. I’m sure people used to speak with each other a lot more. Or just daydreamed
I have done both. Avoided some, and initiated some. I’m not sure what prompted either response from me. I’ve been a therapist in private practice for more than 30 years, and there are times when I simply do not want to listen any longer. (I love my profession, but listening for a living has some limitations).
I can recall odd times with strangers in Europe (I’m from the US). I had learned Dutch fluently while I lived there for nine months. I took one of those insanely strange student vacations which involved riding on an all night bus to Copenhagen from Amsterdam. I sat with a young Dutch man who spoke a smattering of English and conversational French, 2 Swedish girls in their teens who spoke a wee bit of French, and me who spoke Dutch and English. It was a long long bus ride, and we laughed most of the way as we “spoke” and “translated” with our gestures. All I can now recall was the laughter so deep that my face ached. We arrived in Copenhagen at 2 am, and all the hostels were closed. We decided to stick together until sunrise. It was a good thing we did.
Wow what an amazing story! I can see how the experience of the bus ride and the closed hostels made you bond and also how it’s been a long standing memory.
Belly laughs until the face hurts are the best. We all need more of these !
And I always wonder how therapists deal with all that they get thrown at, the patience and professionalism and all the crazy stories. I just started therapy (3 sessions in) and am amazing how good the listening skills of the therapists were that I „tested“ in the process.
So good that you’ve found someone who makes you feel heard. I have truly loved my work as a therapist and am so grateful to all the clients who shared their world with me.
There is an ocean of thoughts even behind shared silence. I was on the shuttle bus to Melbourne airport, not long ago, and noticed another girl, around my age, also with colourful hair, sitting alone a few rows ahead of me. She was quietly sobbing and, of course, I couldn't help but imagining what her story was. When we were queuing to get off the bus I complimented her hair and we parted ways. We found each other again at the boarding times panel and both sighed because we were embarrassingly early, we looked at each other and smiled. Immediately we agreed to sit together waiting for our desks to open and that was enough to have us talk non-stop for hours until we had to board for our respective flights, mine to Venice-Italy, hers to Atlanta-Georgia. Sometimes, all it takes is a smile.
Yes a smile and the rest follows. What a beautiful and caring story.
I find it so beautiful, philosophically speaking, to co-create a tiny fraction of our life with a stranger and then depart knowing we will never see again. The fact that there’s no expectations is so freeing in a way.
What an incredible piece Carmen, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and it reminded me of a similar situation I experienced a few years ago. I am shy and introverted, especially with strangers, and I was going on my first ever solo train journey (only from one local city to the next, around an hours journey). My Mum dropped me off at the station and I asked a middle-aged gentleman in a high-vis coat if he could tell me whether I was at the correct platform, he kindly replied yes, and then went on to tell me he didn’t actually work there - he just took this journey often for work. We both boarded the train and sat near each other, minding our own business, when the train pulled into the next station, only for us to disembark due to delays. He saw me looking confused at the board, looking for when the next train was due and almost took me under his wing. We made it onto another train eventually and sat opposite each other this time, talking about life and we exchanged business cards. We’ve stayed briefly in touch through business means, but I’ll always be grateful for his kindness and making sure I felt safe on that journey.
What a kind souls this man was, looking out for you. And I love that you exchanged business cards and found a mutual interest of sorts adding value to each other beyond the trip. Life is full of surprises 😍
I too used to be more open to conversations with strangers. Truth be told I am not sure if the throes of lockdown made me paranoid with interacting with anyone for fear of spreading or contracting anything. I'm slowly coming out of my shell, but it takes a heck of a lot of effort.
The effort it takes is interesting, like a chore and a skill we haven’t practiced in a while. Good questions to ponder over, and maybe we won’t find answers to the WHY?
I’m glad it’s not just me who feels this way, and at the same time I’m also a bit concerned, realising this is a wide spread phenomenon. Thank you for sharing, Sarah! ✨
Oh, Carmen, I loved this essay! A bit different than your usual, so interesting. In my solo travels I don't really interact with strangers beyond a word or two, never knew how one does it. I guess I'm too shy and also scared of being "trapped" in a conversation I cannot get out of when I need a break.
But in 2 days I'm embarking on a cross-country solo train ride here in Spain, let's see if I can pull up the courage to interact more. 😊
Haha yes I feel like my writing and topics are evolving. I have too many interests and thoughts I need to digest and write about. Grateful that you’re here on this ride with me, Monica.
Keep me posted on the Spain travels, sounds like a great adventure! I booked south Italy for 5 days in April for city hopping and lots of train rides. I doubt many will speak English in the rural areas but I feel like Italians and Spanish people can converse with hand and feet haha you live in Spain, am I totally wrong with this statement?
Remember, you can always pretend you don’t speak the language of you don’t want to talk 😂 just not when you’re already stuck in a conversation.
Absolutely, Spanish and Italians speak with hands and feet hahha! As long as you move your hands, you'll be fine in southern Italy. Just like southern Italy, in the south of Spain people are way more talkative and loud than in the north where I live. Cross your fingers for me starting tomorrow! 😂
Ooooh it depends on my mood lol. In high school I avoided at all cost (spent 2.5 hrs on the bus every day….)
But now it’s more the opposite… not always by choice but to baby wear and have cute kids (not biased at all 🫣) is definitely a conversation starter in most situations! Last was last weekend on the metro in Paris, which otherwise seems like an unexpected place to be social with a stranger lol
🤣 pets and kids are great conversations starters. I was actually asked by a designer mum to babysit her girl after she saw me looking after 2 twin boys and their older sister on the playground in my early 20s haha so conversations with strangers can also lead to jobs (actually had that a few times with new clients beyond babysitting )
I don’t know much about French people I would assume they’re less stiff than the English in public spaces like the metro but a lot less social than Italians or Spanish?
A 2.5 hour bus ride is insane, sounds like you lived in the middle of nowhere as a child? How did you spend your time on the bus?
I’ve never thought of that: listening to podcasts of two people talk instead of talking to people ourselves
You summarised my many words so well in just a short sentence, love it. It’s definitely almost a philosophical question to think about how this is a more modern phenomenon with podcasts and phones. I’m sure people used to speak with each other a lot more. Or just daydreamed
Daydreaming > scrolling
Yess to that 🙌
I have done both. Avoided some, and initiated some. I’m not sure what prompted either response from me. I’ve been a therapist in private practice for more than 30 years, and there are times when I simply do not want to listen any longer. (I love my profession, but listening for a living has some limitations).
I can recall odd times with strangers in Europe (I’m from the US). I had learned Dutch fluently while I lived there for nine months. I took one of those insanely strange student vacations which involved riding on an all night bus to Copenhagen from Amsterdam. I sat with a young Dutch man who spoke a smattering of English and conversational French, 2 Swedish girls in their teens who spoke a wee bit of French, and me who spoke Dutch and English. It was a long long bus ride, and we laughed most of the way as we “spoke” and “translated” with our gestures. All I can now recall was the laughter so deep that my face ached. We arrived in Copenhagen at 2 am, and all the hostels were closed. We decided to stick together until sunrise. It was a good thing we did.
Wow what an amazing story! I can see how the experience of the bus ride and the closed hostels made you bond and also how it’s been a long standing memory.
Belly laughs until the face hurts are the best. We all need more of these !
And I always wonder how therapists deal with all that they get thrown at, the patience and professionalism and all the crazy stories. I just started therapy (3 sessions in) and am amazing how good the listening skills of the therapists were that I „tested“ in the process.
So good that you’ve found someone who makes you feel heard. I have truly loved my work as a therapist and am so grateful to all the clients who shared their world with me.
What a kind thing to say!
There is an ocean of thoughts even behind shared silence. I was on the shuttle bus to Melbourne airport, not long ago, and noticed another girl, around my age, also with colourful hair, sitting alone a few rows ahead of me. She was quietly sobbing and, of course, I couldn't help but imagining what her story was. When we were queuing to get off the bus I complimented her hair and we parted ways. We found each other again at the boarding times panel and both sighed because we were embarrassingly early, we looked at each other and smiled. Immediately we agreed to sit together waiting for our desks to open and that was enough to have us talk non-stop for hours until we had to board for our respective flights, mine to Venice-Italy, hers to Atlanta-Georgia. Sometimes, all it takes is a smile.
Yes a smile and the rest follows. What a beautiful and caring story.
I find it so beautiful, philosophically speaking, to co-create a tiny fraction of our life with a stranger and then depart knowing we will never see again. The fact that there’s no expectations is so freeing in a way.
What an incredible piece Carmen, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and it reminded me of a similar situation I experienced a few years ago. I am shy and introverted, especially with strangers, and I was going on my first ever solo train journey (only from one local city to the next, around an hours journey). My Mum dropped me off at the station and I asked a middle-aged gentleman in a high-vis coat if he could tell me whether I was at the correct platform, he kindly replied yes, and then went on to tell me he didn’t actually work there - he just took this journey often for work. We both boarded the train and sat near each other, minding our own business, when the train pulled into the next station, only for us to disembark due to delays. He saw me looking confused at the board, looking for when the next train was due and almost took me under his wing. We made it onto another train eventually and sat opposite each other this time, talking about life and we exchanged business cards. We’ve stayed briefly in touch through business means, but I’ll always be grateful for his kindness and making sure I felt safe on that journey.
Wow, your story touched me, Jenna! ✨
What a kind souls this man was, looking out for you. And I love that you exchanged business cards and found a mutual interest of sorts adding value to each other beyond the trip. Life is full of surprises 😍
Thank you! I will certainly always remember his kindness 🤍
I too used to be more open to conversations with strangers. Truth be told I am not sure if the throes of lockdown made me paranoid with interacting with anyone for fear of spreading or contracting anything. I'm slowly coming out of my shell, but it takes a heck of a lot of effort.
The effort it takes is interesting, like a chore and a skill we haven’t practiced in a while. Good questions to ponder over, and maybe we won’t find answers to the WHY?
I’m glad it’s not just me who feels this way, and at the same time I’m also a bit concerned, realising this is a wide spread phenomenon. Thank you for sharing, Sarah! ✨
Oh, Carmen, I loved this essay! A bit different than your usual, so interesting. In my solo travels I don't really interact with strangers beyond a word or two, never knew how one does it. I guess I'm too shy and also scared of being "trapped" in a conversation I cannot get out of when I need a break.
But in 2 days I'm embarking on a cross-country solo train ride here in Spain, let's see if I can pull up the courage to interact more. 😊
Haha yes I feel like my writing and topics are evolving. I have too many interests and thoughts I need to digest and write about. Grateful that you’re here on this ride with me, Monica.
Keep me posted on the Spain travels, sounds like a great adventure! I booked south Italy for 5 days in April for city hopping and lots of train rides. I doubt many will speak English in the rural areas but I feel like Italians and Spanish people can converse with hand and feet haha you live in Spain, am I totally wrong with this statement?
Remember, you can always pretend you don’t speak the language of you don’t want to talk 😂 just not when you’re already stuck in a conversation.
Absolutely, Spanish and Italians speak with hands and feet hahha! As long as you move your hands, you'll be fine in southern Italy. Just like southern Italy, in the south of Spain people are way more talkative and loud than in the north where I live. Cross your fingers for me starting tomorrow! 😂
Im sure you’ll have an awesome adventure! And likely learn some new movements for talking with hands and feet 🤣
Ooooh it depends on my mood lol. In high school I avoided at all cost (spent 2.5 hrs on the bus every day….)
But now it’s more the opposite… not always by choice but to baby wear and have cute kids (not biased at all 🫣) is definitely a conversation starter in most situations! Last was last weekend on the metro in Paris, which otherwise seems like an unexpected place to be social with a stranger lol
🤣 pets and kids are great conversations starters. I was actually asked by a designer mum to babysit her girl after she saw me looking after 2 twin boys and their older sister on the playground in my early 20s haha so conversations with strangers can also lead to jobs (actually had that a few times with new clients beyond babysitting )
I don’t know much about French people I would assume they’re less stiff than the English in public spaces like the metro but a lot less social than Italians or Spanish?
A 2.5 hour bus ride is insane, sounds like you lived in the middle of nowhere as a child? How did you spend your time on the bus?