“I can buy myself flowers and hold my own hand”
Do you need rules for when, why and where to love? I don't. Let's ditch them!
Hi there, friend. I need to admit that I have a controversial opinion: I don’t care about Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day as well as any other commercialised holidays that tell us when and how to love others and ourselves. But hey, since this post is about love, no hard feelings if it turns out that we share different views. You’re welcome in my corner of the internet either way!
Sadly the world turns around these dates in many countries and cultures no matter what I think, I’ve written up some ideas and thoughts that I hope serve as a little reminder to have fun, enjoy life and ditch the rules (this comes from a German living in a country that loves rules - life is better without them, promise!)
Flowers
I want to get (myself) flowers all year around, as a surprise or spontaneous decision and for no other reason than that I’m amazing. You’re amazing as you are, too, and need no reason to be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself and make yourself things you love or buy yourself what you desire.
So, buy yourself flowers, yes, the ones you always eyed on when walking past the store but thought they were a little extra, a splurge and not worth it. If they bring you joy, honour that. It’s not like you’re signing up for a subscription that will make you bankrupt.
Hold your own hand
Be your best friend, your own loving parent, partner and cheerleader. Hold your own hand in the sense of showing up for yourself when things are challenging. Hold your own hand, take a moment to breathe, and get the next train into work if you feel like that’s what you need today. Also, is the world really ending if you are 3 minutes late for the school run? Give yourself grace and sit on the toilet for a few more minutes in peace before heading out. (I see you, parents)
Walk yourself to that doctor’s appointment you’ve been dreading, holding your own sweaty hand, squeezing it and telling yourself things will be okay.
And speaking of hands, go get your nails done in your favourite salon if you fancy a self-care session but haven’t made it a priority. (I often tell myself that it’s not worth the money… I don’t get my nails done often because, when I do them at home, the colour chips easily. In all honestly, painted nails bring me joy on a grey winter day so I will book my appointment to avoid frustration when trying my best at home…)
Take yourself dancing
Literally or figuratively. If not dancing, then to the cinema. Shoutout to my friend Y. who took herself earlier this week. I haven’t gone alone yet and think it’s a great self-confidence practice, like going out for dinner alone. I’ll feature a guest post by my lovely friend R. soon who takes herself to a local pub/bar alone regularly. I’d never do that kind of thing alone, I think. So I can’t wait to read her reflections in a few weeks. Take yourself to the sauna, your favourite local café, or on a solo trip (read more about solo travelling as a woman here) and subscribe to read about why I chose to spend my birthday alone abroad (will share soon).
Whatever you choose to do for and with yourself, own it. Enjoy it.
We think people judge us. But in truth, no one actually cares. Everyone’s so busy with themselves that they’ve forgotten any thoughts about you before they’ve taken their next inhale or sip of coffee. So don’t let these worries stop you. Stop worrying about tomorrow, for tomorrow has its own worries.
Honour the worries and then imagine blowing a little sailboat full of worries down the river, into the distance until it’s gone with the wind and disappeared in the distance.
Talk to yourself
Aka write to yourself. Write a love letter on Valentine’s Day, your birthday, the start of a new year or chapter or month or just because you want to. Write an encouraging letter for your future self and a supportive and understanding letter for your younger self. Write a letter to your toes that you may not like, your belly or womb space if you are a woman.
“But Carmen, I don’t know what to write about”. I hear you! I love setting a timer and just write, pen on paper and off we go kind of writing… If you really don’t know what to write, I suggest starting every sentence with I can see…. And after some time of observing, you’ll keep going and write your letter. If you feel creative resistance, have a look at some practices I’ve shared here (including writing prompts).
There’s no word count and you don’t need to win a competition for the most beautiful handwriting. You don’t even need a new journal for it either (I know it’s a tempting reason) but any piece of paper, even with children’s drawings on the back. is okay. As long as they are okay with the up-cycling of their art, of course.
Have more fun and less rules
Do whatever brings you joy. Yes, there are plenty of reasons for not having fun, for not eating that cake, for not buying the bouquet or for not getting nails done before we haven’t cleaned the entire house, exercised for 3 hours, or done a juice fast. But hey, if you want to wait until you’ve done these things, you may wait all your life because life got in the way in the first place.
Let’s stop beating ourselves up for things and stop labelling stuff in a language of guilt and shame like seeing flowers as “a treat”, judging ourselves as needing to be “worthy” of sleeping in for 5 more minutes and proclaiming we don’t “deserve” eating that cake. That’s the typical language used in the wellness industry. Language I really do not like. A topic worth exploring another time.
Let’s do things, eat things, look at things or buy things because we want to, not because there are any made-up rules. Let’s loosen up, have fun, and enjoy life. Smile. Like children who don’t yet know how serious life can be.
Okay, last thought. It’s great to do all these things alone and love ourselves in the best way we can. But we aren’t meant to live alone, do everything alone, be brave and the “strong girl” 24/7 every day of the year. Let’s lean on our village again more and ask for help where needed ❤️
Sharing is caring
If you have a favourite self-care or self-love practice, or anything you love doing alone (or with your favourite people) please share in the comments. Also, please share, do you love or hate Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day etc? Lastly, do you know any writing on Grief, Love, Loss and Hope? Please have a look at this Note. I am looking to feature writers.
P.S. Please forgive me
Yes, I’ve taken some ideas for this post from Miley Cyrus’ song “Flowers” in case you were wondering. I just thought this is fun, let’s write about giving ourselves flowers, holding our own hand, taking ourselves dancing, and writing our own name in the sand (writing for ourselves). So please forgive me for crawling out from under the rock for a second to play with some of her lyrics. I usually don’t care about pop culture and famous people at all and don’t listen to music with lyrics, really (some friends are worried about the last point). 😅
Thank you for stopping by today. Until next time. Stay nourished! C. x
I loved your reflections on this Carmen and so true - we don't need a particular day to buy flowers or celebrate love or mothers or fathers. I think a lot would change if we would treat life as a celebration rather than wait for days to actively celebrate and recognise its gifts (and our gifts). Also cannot get this song out of my head now hahah
Let’s make everyday flower day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or whatever day is supposed to be extra special…… I don’t think those special days can be planned. They just happen as life happens, which is the most beautiful thing 🥰