Stop apologising for a non-linear life
Find your Red Thread & own your story 💛
It’s the kind of sunny Sunday in March that makes you think winter is over (which it isn’t; it always lingers with frosty nights until April here in the Alps).
So, after Pilates, I walked down to the river and dipped my toes into the ice-cold mountain water for the first time this year. Counting to ten, breathing slowly, and wondering what’s worse: the frozen brain feeling from eating ice cream too fast on a hot summer day, or this crystal clear melted snow water. The answer, I decided, is neither. Both are beautiful reminders that we’re alive, feeling sensations in our bodies - what a gift!
Today it’s not just a sunny Sunday, it’s International Women’s Day. In Bavaria (where we live) and Baden-Württemberg, the two southern states in Germany, people are voting. For 106 years, women here have had a voice in shaping what happens next. I for sure went to the polls early.
Now sitting by our beloved river, with kids playing nearby, older people tanning their beautiful, wrinkly faces, cyclists rushing by, I keep thinking: how many of us are still waiting for permission to do the same thing in our own lives - own our narrative, shape our story?
If you don’t go and vote, others will, and the outcome may not be desirable (as we all got to learn over the last few years, again). The annoying thing is, if you don’t tell your story, someone else will.
They'll fill the gaps with assumptions and hand you a narrative that fits their expectations, calling it your identity. “You come from there, so you belong there. With that background, you should want this and not dare to dream that.”
But that’s not how we live, how we should (let others) define ourselves. We are not cookie-cutter women with linear lives.
There’s a red thread running through your life.
It could be super obvious, like bold, ruby red, unmistakably yours. It could also be a light baby pink, earthy terracotta, and worn thin in some places, knotted heavily in others. It could be twisted thread combining those of the women that came before you, your own current thread, the one of old versions of you, and the version of who you’re becoming.
In the end, the colour and type of thread are less important. What matters is believing it’s there, pulsing loudly for some and calmly for others, waiting to be uncovered either way.
Especially as women, we've been handed a story about how life is supposed to unfold, one chapter following neatly after another; high school, uni, career, marriage, 2 beautiful babies…. a clear, sensible direction, a zero risk and big “success” path.
And when our lives don't look like that from the outside, because we changed course multiple times, left people, places, careers and dreams behind, took even more detours, we often internalise the confusion and frustration of others as a fault in ourselves.
I refuse to do that anymore. I get better at noticing and consciously unlearning every time I catch myself being tangled in other people’s patterns. And I’d love for you to join me.
On knitting and unravelling
I have phases where I knit, embroider, weave, sew, or crochet, like there’s no tomorrow. Then I drop it all. Paint, explore pottery. You name the craft. What I come back to over and over again is the analogy of knitting in life. You can undo, reknit. Pull the thread, and the half-finished sock dissolves in front of you. You can change patterns at any time.
No rule says a life, or a career, or an identity, has to be completed in one continuous movement, without dropping a stitch, without changing your mind. Without putting the creation down, walking away and returning another time. There shouldn’t be shame or guilt for any of this.
Neither pauses nor pivots are failures or lost progress.
The chapters that felt like detours have been teaching me the most, i realise in retrospect. The apparently random skills can be deeply connected; they are part of your story, woven into YOUR Red Thread after all. You may just not yet have seen the beautiful, unique pattern they’re knitting together yet.
What the Red Thread looks like in real life
Being a very observant woman, I often see what’s left unsaid between the lines. I hear what many don’t dare to say out loud. I work with women who are uncovering their Red Thread, putting the pieces of themselves together in a new way, as they are transitioning into a new chapter of their lives.
When you’re applying for a role, and your background looks anything but conventional (what even is that?), the Red Thread is what you offer instead of an apology or the brewing feeling of shame inside, hiding and hoping not to be “uncovered”.
I was once told by a recruiter that my experience looks too random, and she wouldn’t be able to place me; I wouldn’t be a trustworthy hire. I ignored her and got crystal clear on why I am the best for what I applied for. My red Thread, uncovered, and confidently told is what transformed “my experience is all over the place” into “I bring a perspective almost no one else can.” I have owned and cherished my squiggly career and nonlinear path for years now.
The same applies to building something new, like a business, and you’re not sure how to explain how all your stories can come together so people understand your offering; the red thread is the explanation. Only you can do this in your unique way!
I see a trend (thanks God) away from CVs and credentials that say nothing anymore in the world of AI. The why underneath is what matters, and the how, how we show up, combining our unique skillset. There is no random detour; it’s all making sense and can be connected by weaving your inspiring story.
Don’t tell her story, only tell your own
My fingers are getting cold, still sitting at the feet of the river. I want to say one more thing: Today and any other day, don’t tell the story of a fellow woman for her, to her or to anyone else.
Ask questions. Hold up a mirror. The most powerful and empowering thing we can do is support that sister at a crossroads, helping her find her Red Thread.
The meaning of her chapters, the nuance of red, the texture of her Red Thread is for her, and only her to tell. All her versions of herself are part of her story, part of who she was, is and will be. There’s no one else out there with her kind of thread; only she can knit, weave, stitch, embroider, paint, sow or crochet her life tapestry and decide how it should look next.
So can you, and so can I. 🫶 All we need to do is start looking and weaving.
And that, my friends, feels worth celebrating today, don’t you agree?.
See you again soon!
Carmen x
Hi, if you’re new here - I’m an Experience Designer, trained Coach / Mentor, and Writer exploring wellbeing, creativity, and (self-)leadership. I create Seasonal Companions that guide women toward rest, reflection, and embodied connection through the year, uncovering what’s truly theirs. Words and work where wisdom and science meet. I work in tech and live a conscious, joyful life. Both are possible. Subscribe and read more about my work and me here
P.S. I’ll be opening up a few 1:1 spaces later in spring to work on exactly this, uncovering your Red Thread and boldly owning your story as you transition into a new chapter. I hadn’t planned to before spring, but three incredible women reached out since January, and we’ve been doing this work together ever since. One found me on LinkedIn, one through my work, and the other through a recommendation in my community. Finding a new job, launching a coaching offering, and moving countries are their current themes. Putting the pieces of themselves together in a new way. If something in this post made you curious, I’d love to hear. 🫶
Read more from me here
Seasonal living told me not to do this
Lying at the beach in February with nothing “to do” and nowhere to be, I’m naturally reflecting on my decision to come to an island in Southeast Asia for the first time ever.
I love this idea, and it resonates a lot with my own life and career path. I often have imposter Syndrome in my work because I didn't do the normal organisational progression but learned through my own projects. Love this idea of a Red Thrread, I'm going to think about this and my own thread today!