The fascinating evolution of female friendships through history - part 1
The joys and challenges from village wells to virtual bonds. International Women's Day Special
Back in early and traditional societies, when only travelling tribes, traders or war heroes would leave the safe walls of their peaceful villages, friendships were tied to the place. They were woven into the rhythms of daily life and nourished at the markets, deepened at the wells where water and stories were drawn, kept warm at communal ovens, and nurtured in the midwife’s home.
For most women, friendships were often primarily built out of necessity rather than personal choice. Survival depended on shared support, for childcare, emotions, and work-sharing, like harvesting or food preservation or textile-making. These female bonds were rooted in practical collaboration, deeply embedded in the social fabric and often dictated by cultural norms, class and proximity. The notion of deep, lasting female friendships was not pleasure in deep connection; it was rather an unspoken agreement, a quiet yet essential pact of community solidarity.
Quick break for more context.
, the only dedicated Space on Substack for, you guessed it, history. And when I was writing this piece, I knew I had to reach out to her.
Hello dear reader, a bit of a different letter today. This is a collaborative piece between my wonderful online friend and me, Carmen. Holly runs the
You may or may not know that, before stepping into the world of writing, tech business consulting, and community-building, I was immersed in academic research on belonging, identity, and the evolution of women's roles in society through the multi-disciplinary lens of history, politics, sociology, anthropology and psychology and law.I love tracing the invisible threads that connect us across time, place and culture.
With International Women’s Day today in the first week of Women’s History Month, I want to take you on a journey through female friendships – how they’ve evolved, what we’ve lost, what we’ve been given, and where we might be headed next.
This is Part 1, where we explore history’s fascinating imprint on how women connect. In Part 2, I’ll share modern perspectives from our community, women like us. Your voices, my experiences, and how friendships can be nurtured in our 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond, in today’s world.
Industrialisation and urbanisation
The world began to change. Cities grew faster than anyone could ever really comprehend, buildings shot up like mushrooms overnight. The pace of life quickened drastically, seasonal rhythms and regular rest were lost to the daily hum of machines and drill of long working hours. The close-knit circles of village life began to loosen as women left their homes – not for adventure or aspiration like we know today, but often out of necessity.
For the first time, large numbers of women entered factories, domestic service, and urban industries, fundamentally altering social dynamics and with that female friendships.
New environments meant new friendships, forged in the dimly lit corridors of boarding houses, workers' unions, and later, women’s clubs. Unlike before, where friendships were often naturally developing through birth and geography, now they were formed through the shared experience of life away from home and the hardships of long working hours under bright factory lights.
In the 19th and early 20th centuries, we saw the rise of literary salons, suffrage movements, and social reform groups, where women’s friendships extended into activism and intellectual debate. The opportunity to get their voices heard for the first time changes history. Women claimed spaces in completely new ways and we can be forever grateful for their bravery. Here, friendship became a vehicle for change, and unconditional trust became more important than ever. Life, at this time, depended on female friends beyond food and childcare, they were the foundation of revolutions.
In the private sphere and other social classes, changing family dynamics (such as smaller nuclear families, geographically remote from original communities) left both a void and also created more space for friendships to play a greater role in personal fulfilment.
The idea of "chosen family" (like we know it today) may have been born here as women increasingly sought emotional intimacy outside of marital and familial obligations and female friendships filled the gap.
Contemporary friendships behind screens
Today, Friendships are no longer necessary for survival in the same way they were before, but a deliberate, beautiful choice. A sign of enjoying the sweetness of life to its fullest capacity.
Modern friendships are shaped and facilitated by global mobility, education opportunities (hello, exchange semesters), careers and passport freedom, and of course WhatsApp, FaceTime and social media (including Substack). Women can easily form and maintain friendships across cities, countries and continents, with zero dependence on physical proximity.
A new village, right at our fingertips.
And yet, there’s a paradox.
Social media and digital tools have made it easier than ever to find like-minded women– friendships based on shared interests, values, and life stages, regardless of location. But at the same time, these platforms can easily blur the line between a real connection and a false sense of closeness. In our world of notifications and heart reactions, I often wonder if we are sometimes confusing interactions for intimacy?
In my eyes it is truly wild: we are more "connected" than ever before in history, and yet, loneliness remains a modern epidemic as many of us deeply feel and research confirms. What seems easier to form and maintain at first actually asks us to be intentional in completely new ways– most prominently to nurture and protect our friendships from becoming diluted in the noise.
The return of the local ‘Village’
In every era, female friendships reflect the world and requirements around them.
The modern village is versatile and hyper-personalised, no longer tied to village wells, factory floors or real revolutions but built through choices.
Many of us, amidst urbanisation, digitalisation and thanks to our famous global pandemic, have felt the loss of organic, place-based friendships. At the same time, we crave them. What is truly fascinating in my eyes is a growing movement toward recreating support systems that mirror the village model in our immediate surroundings, this time through intergenerational co-living spaces, co-working hubs, parent collectives, spiritual women’s circles and more.
Local hubs and strong hugs, shared tables and real laughter. We just cannot deny our deep human desire for screen-free connection. However, local places will likely never truly replace digital spaces again (nor should they in my eyes).
Maybe this new village of our time is a blend of both: chosen, intentional, fluid, shaped as much by proximity as by purpose. The natural reflection of our time. It allows for friendships to grow, bloom and be nourished in new and totally beautiful ways, if we so choose.
There is nothing more precious than female friendships in my eyes. As we all know, they can be our greatest sources of strength after all.
And if you made it this far, I’m sure you agree! 🫶
I’d absolutely love to hear your reflections in the comments–and, of course, I would be endlessly grateful if you shared this letter with the women in your life and recommended
and my publications. Let’s celebrate our friends and ourselves, this International Women’s Day and always. ❤️I’ll leave you with this note that fits perfectly:
Stuff worth knowing
See you in part 2, going live (hopefully) next Thursday, Friday 14th, where we look at stories from the village, the community here. Beautiful, inspiring shares!
What’s on in March, you wonder? Read here
If you’re in a season of change this spring, make use of my free transformation mentoring session to move forward with what fuels you- share the love and inform your friends here (show you interest before the 14th of March to be considered)
This post is part of the “IWD Siren Songs” campaign run by
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In this day and age, female friendships have to be more intentional since we don’t always have the village base anymore. I truly appreciate my two friends who I meet with for sauna night once a month, where everything and nothing can be talked about.
Great perspective- there are no solutions-only trade offs. My wife has done a great job of finding a village of like minded parents. They have been there when it mattered most.