Real talk about solo travelling as a woman

Debunking myths, slow and mindful travelling reflections + photos, encouragement for dreamers. Part 1.

Jan 21, 2024

Facts, dear friend. Solo travelling seems more common amongst women than men and the average venture out later in their life and not in their early 20s as we may think. Travelling alone can be deadly, dangerous and daunting on one end of the spectrum and the exact opposite, too. People find true love, lifelong friendship, happiness, and… themselves. Think Into The Wild and Eat Pray Love movie themes. Extremes and nuance can co-exist here. Isn’t that wonderful, we don’t need to agree because we can find common ground nonetheless. It’s an individual experience.

First up, I wanted to write this for everyone. Those who have never left their home country, those who live a nomadic lifestyle, those who only book all-inclusive travel packages and those who go with the flow, book nothing and just take the train somewhere new. Everyone, dreamers and realists alike. Secondly, the warmest welcome to the 30+ people who have joined this wonderful Village of readers in January following this article on navigating the New Year New Me pressure. It’s great to have you here. Let’s make this a meaningful and fun experience. The only thing I enjoy doing alone is travelling and cooking. Everything else I like to co-create, like writing <> reading (so if you like this piece, please like, comment and share). Thirdly, please vote below. Should I do a photo series from 15 years of travelling alone? Lastly: This is a call for travel stories I would like to feature in part 2 or 3, please read the details at the end.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

Why this topic?

I’ve been solo travelling for over a decade, I wasn’t even 18 when I ventured out into the world alone for the first time. I never thought it was special or weird until, of course, people told me their views on it, asked me questions, and shared concerns alongside their favourite solo travel destinations. People never care about our business until we do something that makes them uncomfortable.

No chasing. Observing.

I have always travelled at a different speed than what adverts tell us. Slow in the sense of being mindful and conscious of my choices, places, and plans way before I knew it was a concept. I journal. I take sketching utensils. I write real paper postcards. I wander, watch and wonder.
Time becomes a strange concept. I live by hunger cues, the sunset and if I really have to, opening times. I love exploring. I notice things that stay unnoticed for those who rush, run and race to their next tourist attraction. I watch locals go after their daily mundane life. I watch tourists, trying to guess where they’re from based on their cues, dress code and way of exploring (yes superficial, fun and sometimes also painfully accurate).

I also observe myself in the sea of experiences.

Hidden gems… that those who rush won’t see.

I could never give it up.

It’s part of who I am.

Having grown up in the centre of Europe in the south of Germany, I had 10 countries at my fingertips (According to ChatGPT these are the top ones in order as the crow flies: Austria: about 15 km, Liechtenstein: about 90 km, Switzerland: about 180 km, Italy (South Tyrol): about 230 km, Slovenia: about 200 km, Luxembourg: about 350 km, Czech Republic: about 300 km, Slovakia: about 450 km, Belgium: about 550 km, France: about 590 km) to start with.
Travelling has therefore not been expensive and was something we just did. Freely crossing borders. Regularly. A distant dream for many, my life. Both my parents had travelled the world before me. My dad climbed Kilimanjaro and drove a car to Syria. Both solo travellers, and the first to travel abroad in their families, in centuries. The first to fulfil their dreams in this way.

I guess I have inherited a solo travel gene of sorts. But it’s not required. I would say the majority of solo travellers are the first ones in their family.

In addition to being a very curious, adventurous and open-minded daughter of frequent travellers, I’m also a bit naive. (Less so today compared to 10+ years ago thanks to Google and social media but still a bit). I grew up in my safe bubble in a small town sheltered from crimes, poverty, drugs, and abuse - the dark side of the world was foreign to me.

I had no fears when I was younger.

Google searches and smartphones weren’t a thing for me. I refused to get one until I could no longer because I needed one for travelling.

I learned to read maps as a child. I still prefer these as a way to explore cities.

I learned to trust my gut instinct.

I was born in 1993, I know this thinking is not necessarily considered “normal” for my generation. But what is normal anyway?

The rebel in me wants freedom & flexibility.

As a creative mind, I never had a tight travel itinerary. I always avoided peak seasons and famous destinations. I feel heavy resistance toward guided tours, extremely tight planned schedules and setting alarms to be the first somewhere.

I seem to throw my need to predict life and some anxiety around unfamiliar things overboard when it comes to travelling.

I hate having to agree on how long to stay where, what to eat, and which museum is worth queuing up for. I rather do what I like, when I want to.

You’re never alone.

First off, I view solo travelling as a secret language on top of the languages I speak. If you meet another solo traveller you click, you just know and understand each other. You’ll meet lots of people. How? The easiest way is when you spot someone also obviously searching for the way asking them if you can help. And a conversation starts from there.
And vice versa, if you’ve never solo travelled before, it may all be a bit unclear what solo travellers actually talk about. But isn’t it fun to daydream together?

A fellow solo traveller catching the magical morning light…

Secondly:

you meet yourself, get surprised by yourself, and learn about new abilities, interests, skills and needs you never knew you had somewhere inside you.

In recent months, I have been neglecting this part of me, the wanderer, the seeker, the creative curious mind that needs to leave her routine to find herself again. To reflect. Gain perspective. She needs these trips even and maybe especially when in a relationship, full-time job and running a small heart-centered side-business. Maybe it’s just me, it’s the European free-spirited Carmen, and maybe you have a similar craving sometimes?

Hello, it’s me, always pointing at something I discovered. 👋

It can be so uncomfortable to spend time with yourself or take yourself on a dinner date alone. No routines and chores of our daily life that keep us busy and numb in these moments. Our smartphones are convenient escapes, no matter where we are in the world these days, but what if we sat in this discomfort? In part 2 I will share more about how I love and hate this exploration.

✨I want to bring me more rest & ease for 2024 to my favourite people✨

Safety is key. There are rules and yet there are none.

There were moments when, in retrospection, I thought wow this may have actually been a dodgy area, or dangerous idea… Adrenaline and gratitude hit me at once upon thinking that thought. I also think being naive (in a healthy way) saved me from danger because I was less terrified. Bad people smell fear and insecurity.

Essential for me because, yes I get inappropriate comments or men maybe even crossing into my safe space aka coming too: I make sure I’m never alone at night in quiet places that I have not researched on safety standards and crime rates. I avoid parks, walk longer ways to be on the safe side after sunset, make sure I have phone battery, call someone while walking home if it’s late or be cautious of my surroundings and not glued to my phone. Depending on the country, I ensure to check my transport options, and potentially required dress code to blend in. I carry bags that are hard to snatch off me. When you are present and not mindlessly rushing or scrolling, you are naturally aware of what’s going on around you, I think.

Others may feel a lot more comfortable and safe and hence don’t do any of these things. It’s just personal preference and I could see how these evolve over time.

Solo travelling means either yoga retreats or party places.

Outgoing extroverts allowed only?

It's not just about spiritual retreats or nightlife, obviously. It’s about cultural immersion, adventure, self-discovery, and so much more.

I consider myself an extroverted introvert. I love humans, and I love time alone. I find balance in solo travelling from my full life surrounded by a big family with lots of cousins, a busy job and wanting to become a better person. It allows me to dive into bustling marketplaces or vibrant local festivities when I seek connection and retreat to quiet, hidden gems when I crave solitude. This balance is the essence of solo travelling – it's my personal journey that reflects the nuances of my personality and desires.

What brings you peace of mind?

What are your non-negotiables?

Well-being-centred travel for me. I consider it a form of self-care. I want good design and aesthetics, cleanliness and safety over the latest trends in my accommodation. I value a kitchenette over eating out 3 times a day, the independence and freedom to choose between a quiet night in and exploring local cuisine makes me feel more relaxed. Local flair rather than hotel chains. Small guesthouses or eco-friendly stays supporting local economies is what I crave nowadays. It allows a deeper connection with the destination, customs, and foods. I can afford cute spaces, and nice places, and have some financial flexibility that I didn’t have 10-plus years ago, even 5 years ago and I prefer not to save on money to stay in a place that doesn’t make me feel good. It’s just not worth it.

There was certainly a shift in what I valued in my travel experiences.

When I travelled in my early 20s, it was important to me to sleep in an all-female dorm where there was staff 24/7 on site. A place where I knew I could talk to a local owner if needed. It was essential for me to meet other solo travellers through shared public spaces in the accommodation, like a rooftop or kitchen, free tours or board game nights.

Now it’s about creating a personal sanctuary away from home, grounded luxury like a big enough room for a workout, a yoga studio nearby, or a safe park for gazing into the morning sun. However, it’s not a tickbox exercise.

My cute little home in Porto that I’ll be sharing more about in part 2.

All myths debunked?

Actually, I believe that I don’t need to convince anyone of anything, I’m certainly not the solo travelling police. Strong opinions loosely held is more my mantra. No, it’s not per se dangerous. No it is not terribly lonely. No it’s not just for extroverted party people. And there is nuance in it all, how fun.

Because solo travelling is so individual, it can really work for everyone.

The great thing: we don’t need to fly to far-away countries. A city close by that we haven’t properly explored, a new spa we’ve been wanting to go to, a special restaurant, walking through a part at the other end of town. I did exactly this in all these years in London when my budget was tight given rent was super high.

It can be free, it can cost a fortune if you have the finances, it all depends on the choices we make.

Solo travelling starts at our doorstep.

It starts with getting comfortable with our own company and being open to new perspectives. You can be anything and anyone and if you set your adventure up in a nervous system-supportive way, you can have a wonderful time.

There are no rules listen to your heart. How utterly freeing!

And before we dive into part 2, a shoutout to the brave women who travel alone and to those who dream! Thank you

for sharing your stories, photos, dreams and adventures in this note.

In part 2 I’ll be talking about getting comfortable with the occasional discomfort of travelling solo and spending my 31st birthday alone in Porto.

If you’ve read or written any inspiring pieces on this topic, please share them with me so I can include them in part 2.

Let’s time travel to those destinations together. If you like, share your stories, thoughts, and reflections in the comments. 1. Have you spent your birthday alone while travelling? 2. What was your first solo travel destination? 3. Do you have any travel rituals to stay connected and feel at home wherever you are?