We've been sold a wrong concept of rest
Dear woman, ditch the productivity hacks and wellbeing hoax, grab a cup of tea and read on. (plus my first ever voiceover as a non native speaker - please be nice 🫶)
“Hello, how have you been?”
“Good thanks, busy but well…”
A familiar start of a conversation we all have witnessed a million times.
Busy is my coping mechanism. Busy is often the universal language we all speak and understand. Being busy is almost a badge of honour and at the same time a potentially triggering subject and heavily loaded with emotions, don’t you agree?
By travelling a lot, I realised that some countries and cultures are better at resting than others. Siesta in Spain and Risposo in Italy are such great invites to pause under the burning midday sun and serve as good examples of the daily pause we generally all need, in different seasons of life more and in others maybe a bit less. And yet, the majority of countries seem to see work and rest as competitors and rest being inferior.
Having lived in London for a few years, the city that never sleeps somehow made me rush and run constantly. Personally, only now in my early thirties do I seem to slowly be able to grasp what rest, pausing and recharging means (after having left the big smoke). Despite having “sold” well-being for quite some time by working in the industry. So, in recent years, I have no longer been approaching my working hours by hours and tasks but, instead, by my energy levels, and mental and physical capacity. I am happier, healthier and better at my job and a lot more connected to myself and my needs.
I believe resting is a forgotten art.
Yes, art!
My publication is dedicated to this art, a real-life case study of sorts.
I believe in capacity management as the key for our wellbeing. When we say yes to one thing, we say no to something else. And vice versa. What do we need to say no to more often so we can say yes to ourselves, rest, recovery and rejuvenation without any attached conditions?
This is a love letter for all who need to hear these words. Please share it with your female friends, sisters and colleagues. I wrote it for all of us. 💛
A reminder during Women’s History Month and piece dedicated to the International Women’s Day Daisy Chain Flower Crown Series where other female writers shared about women’s related topics. Thank you to for organising. Please apologise if I missed to mention any other wonderful women behind the inititiatve.
Dopamine hits
Like many millennials, I was addicted to stress, hustling and doing stuff for a long time until I hit two rounds of burnout in my late 20s.
It’s a lie that we get more done by solely working faster.
It’s a lie that we are more productive when we use sexy apps, follow the Pomodoro technique and motivate ourselves to eat the frog first.
Disconnected from my body, I had no idea how I, as a woman, would not need coffee and cookies to get through the well-known afternoon slump. I could ditch blood sugar manipulative drinks and snacks, productivity hacks, to-do lists and hustle culture and work with my capacity instead.
Through exhaustion, I learned that I need to pull back and start adding to my life what I truly want and need rather than squeezing everything into a short day because I think I should. Not because I have time, but because I have energy. This has become my guiding principle which meant, in practice, that writing for International Women’s Day happened nearly three weeks “late”.
Capacity as the north star is an old concept.
Cycle tracking, cyclical business, or living with the seasons are modern words for the tried and tested idea of how not to burn out.
in today’s world, we want to measure everything to understand and prove its validity. Sadly, this concept doesn’t give us the answer to every problem.
We could however tune inwards and over time “measure” our internal clock as female, cyclical beings, living with our changes and needs rather than against them every month. We could rest more over the winter and make use of the joy of the long, warm summer days. We could see how it makes us feel.
This is really not modern thinking, it’s how life has been lived for longer than we can imagine. I wrote about why I think we’ve been fooled about goal setting in January here and believe that while spring has sprung, we can still take things slowly and not run from event to event for the next 6 months.
“It’s impossible in this modern world, Carmen” I hear some say or “I simply don’t have time with kids, work, or creative endeavours”.
We don’t need to learn how to rest. Instead, we could listen less to public discourse that often indicates we need to “deserve” it, “spoil” and “treat” ourselves with rest. “It’s okay to pause” which indicates we need permission.
Resting is a multi-billion-dollar industry.
The narrative of spoiling, treating, and deserving tells us it’s out of the ordinary and we should feel a bit guilty and should pay lots of money in exchange.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
However, I started asking myself: Is it really resting or working on my core muscles that attracts me to a yoga class that I am told I should attend regularly?
Resting is so individual. That’s exactly why we can take ideals a bit less seriously.
Perfection is a myth. How freeing is that?
Resting can look like taking 5 breaths while sitting on a bench listening to birds, going on a walk, painting, singing, baking, knitting, reading a book with the kids… Getting into a flow state through creativity or taking a few moments to just be, wherever, however, and whenever we need it.
We can rest with children, in the office or while commuting.
No matter what rest looks like for us individually, I would love to invite you to be critical of the narrative we reinforce and participate in. Together we can slowly, over time, change the way we talk about and practice pausing.
Instead of thinking “Have I deserved this, have I worked hard enough to pause”, shifting to “Have I rested and paused enough to be doing this right now” is powerful.
I wrote and shared the original version of this for Women’s Day last year and decided to tweak it in a way that feels more authentically me in 2024.
A recent share on this topic by dear
I also loved this guide for a Spring Ritual by
and . It’s full of ideas, journalling prompts and warmth for this season as we slowly emerge from winter and hibernation mode. If you live in the UK and would love to join their half-day creative retreat and spring gathering in a beautiful sanctuary space in London on Saturday 20th April, you can find more details here.In case you missed my last reflection:
Why less is always more: Things I quit to reignite joy in my life
Over to you if you wish to share:
Thank you for this post. It actually made me cry as it hit home so hard. I needed to hear this today.
I love this Carmen. So brilliant. I’m also in my 30s and in the process of moving out of London. I’ve realised the hustle and bustle of London meant my senses were constantly firing and usually from artificial lights and sounds. Perhaps something I craved in my 20s but not what my soul needs now. I’ve spent the last month away from London and I now know what it feels like to work sustainably and not just crash at the weekend and hope for the best. Such a great post and very timely. Thank you Carmen!