I feel you on this. I’m learning to rewrite my thoughts around rest. It isn’t something that comes naturally to me because of how I grew up. However I’m recognising it’s ok to rest without feeling guilty. There is nothing we need to do to “earn” it. We’re simply allowed to without calling ourselves lazy or unproductive. I wrote something similar here that I feel you’ll enjoy. Seems to have landed with a lot of people: https://open.substack.com/pub/soulwisdom/p/how-empty-are-you?r=a9uns&utm_medium=ios
Great listen, rest definitely can feel should be earnt, depending on the culture, like you say, some cultures do it way better than others. From personal experience, Spain is way better at it, much of it can be to do with the weather and that impacts pace of things.
There is certainly a trend of 'slowing down' in the UK, perhaps more as a marketing perspective, I see it everywhere, not that it's a bad trend, perhaps people are getting on board with it and it will have an impact.
As you mention we are sold apps, productivity and health hacks (although I love the pomodoro method) more than ever, or so it feels, when actually we need to listen to ourselves more, connect with others, ditch the phones, pick up the book, join a group, whatever rest maybe means to someone personally.
We need to go back in time in many ways and rest rather than reach for the quick sugar hit, screens and get busy doing nothing!
So well said Linsey, and I couldn’t agree more, less technology, more real human connections. Less marketing campaigns and quick fixes, more connecting with ourselves and figuring out what we need individually.
I have definitely fell victim to the “busy” trap. It’s been an unraveling of so much to finally reach a place where I am allowing myself true rest and feeling really good about it. Thanks for sharing!
Thank YOU for sharing, Amanda! So glad my words resonate and even more happy to read that you’re giving yourself the rest you need! What a journey to get there. 💖
I agree that often we feel like we have to earn rest rather than allowing ourselves to rest when we need to even if we didn’t accomplish everything we had on our list for that day!
Thank you for this! Sometimes I feel like I need to be reminded that rest is essential and not a luxury. I always feel the need to be doing something, to be busy, and then sometimes feel guilty about resting before realizing how silly that it is.
‘The narrative of spoiling, treating, and deserving tells us it’s out of the ordinary and we should feel a bit guilty and should pay lots of money in exchange.’
Your entire post is fantastic and nailed SO much for me, and also, this… such a terrific point and an important perspective we don’t always include in this conversation. The commodification of rest, sold to us as ‘self-care.’ Ugh, makes me steamy!!
I’ve personally come to discover (only in my late 40’s!) how I’ve worshipped busyness. The easy default of it, seductive and pretty insidious really. And you’ve nailed it here… let’s not talk about giving ourselves permission, let’s just give ourselves the same attentions we give the other stuff. Period.
New to your writing, Carmen, and so glad to connect with you! 🙏🏻🧡✨
Bree, you’re too kind! Thank you for your generosity, for being here and supporting with your words! I’m so glad the words that poured out of my heart reached you and resonated. It’s so wonderful to read about your own experience and your reflections on rest. Hope you’ll enjoy my next post too :) xx
I love this Carmen. So brilliant. I’m also in my 30s and in the process of moving out of London. I’ve realised the hustle and bustle of London meant my senses were constantly firing and usually from artificial lights and sounds. Perhaps something I craved in my 20s but not what my soul needs now. I’ve spent the last month away from London and I now know what it feels like to work sustainably and not just crash at the weekend and hope for the best. Such a great post and very timely. Thank you Carmen!
Ohh that sounds familiar, Anna, just that the need to leave London hit me in my late 20s 😅
hope you find a beautiful new home that provides all you need to feel nourished now, in your 30s. And I’m sure the sporadic trips to London will be still fun but then also serve as a great reminder why it’s not the main priority in life anymore to have the buzz of the city at the fingertips. X
“Sadly, this concept doesn’t give us the answer to every problem.”
THANK YOU. Thank you for offering help but not a silver bullet! Nothing is a silver bullet and our culture is so obsessed with this new one hack that will save your life or this ancient way of doing things that we just have to get back to.
Thank you for this piece but most of all thank you for being so real.
Thank you Melissa for sharing your kind comment and taking the time to read this post.
I’m so glad my efforts came across. You summarised my aim in a way I couldn’t have done myself. Will screenshot your comment to keep as a reminder to myself of why I write and what I want to bring across.
Language is so important and as a non English native speaker I’m really trying to get away from prescriptive words and only truths that our culture is so fond of. I really don’t enjoy reading that kind of content.
Yes yes yes to reframing rest and untying false connections to worthiness - one nap or breathing exercise etc a time. 🧘♀️thank you for stopping by and restacking my post, Kelsey! Means the world 💛
I love this Carmen, I think many of us are going through that transformation/realisation that perhaps we have been living life topsy turvy, (including me), which is why I love that quote so much. No wonder we constantly feel out of sorts when we're out of rhythm with Mother Nature, with our own bodies. I have found myself saying on more than one occasion 'have I got the energy for this', so now it's not a punishment, it's a gentle nudge of where I need to be. I'm learning more every day and that's perfect for me.
Love that you’re so in tune with yourself, Louise, and that you create life from a place of full alignment with your energy. Of course I’m not surprised you do, since this also comes across from your beautiful writing! Thank you for reading and sharing. Happy Easter weekend to you xx
Gosh I have so much I could say about rest. I learned the hard way, too! Like most of us, I think. I wrote about the concept of creative rest for Emma Gannon earlier this year and I’m sure you’re familiar with the seven types of rest but I’ll pop a link to it just in case it’s new to you 💛
Thank you for sharing the link Sarah! I remember reading this post earlier in the year (really loved the collab with Emma, too!) but will revisit it as I can’t recall details just, that I absolutely loved it. 🥰
And yes, I suppose we all learn „the hard way“ as resting in whatever form is just not present enough in our world.
Grateful you share your version and remind us all to rest too 💛
This is such an important topic of conversation Carmen…. And there are so many layers aren’t there to giving ourselves permission to rest?! It’s a whole lifetime… or several lifetimes really… of unravelling narratives about productivity. I was thinking yesterday how I come from a line of women who have worked really hard… my grandmother was in the WAF in the war and always worked, my Mother has her own business and now I feel like, while on one hand I’m so inspired by them and they have shown me what is possible… it’s also hard to disentangle from the ‘hard work ethic’… especially as I was celebrated as a young woman for ‘how hard I worked’ when I juggled several jobs and worked 7 days a week. Ooof lots to say here!!! Thank you so much for this contribution and for sharing about our ritual guide and event… I so wish you could join us. Xxx
Thank you Lauren for sharing your family history and probably also belief systems about how work should be done and that “hard work” is the only way… I have the same in my family, more on my dads side.
This really sonates: “It’s a whole lifetime… or several lifetimes really… of unravelling narratives about productivity.” —> oh yes layers upon layers and I love the fact that there’s no deadlines and we can all explore, learn and iterate in our own time - life time. 🥰
Such a lovely post. I’m not sure why cramming everything in became a thing but I much prefer your way and add lots of rest and restful creativity into my day. Will check out these resources too! ✨
Thank you for stopping by and leaving such kind words, Kate!
The hustle for more becomes most apparent in a big city during rush hour when we just stop and stand still. People literally would run us over to get to their destination asap without compromise. Fascinating observations we can make once we’re more rested. Xx
I loved reading this Carmen, so much ancient wisdom that strangely also feels revolutionary in this age of busy as a badge of honour. I resonate deeply with your experience of busyness and external validation in your 20s. Thank you also for reminding us that we don’t need to do anything in order to ‘deserve’ or ‘earn’ a right to rest — instead it is intrinsic to our wellbeing. Thank you so much for including our slow emergence ritual and our in-person gathering too, so very much appreciated! xx ps writing this message from the lake at Ally Pally which I know you know well! xx
Ohh the lake at Ally Pally, or anything there.. yess. 🥰 I loved the view so much as I needed the perspective. Sounds weird but maybe because I grew up in the alpine region and was always able to see the horizon, I felt suffocated between buildings in London. I was always in search for some high buildings or hills or something. 😅
I feel like your past career and mine now do have some overlaps and similarities. I’m still trying to figure out how to nourish myself in the corporate world. I was able to gather from your written pieces that you had to find that for yourself in the heights of your busy work life too! Xx
I feel you on this. I’m learning to rewrite my thoughts around rest. It isn’t something that comes naturally to me because of how I grew up. However I’m recognising it’s ok to rest without feeling guilty. There is nothing we need to do to “earn” it. We’re simply allowed to without calling ourselves lazy or unproductive. I wrote something similar here that I feel you’ll enjoy. Seems to have landed with a lot of people: https://open.substack.com/pub/soulwisdom/p/how-empty-are-you?r=a9uns&utm_medium=ios
Great listen, rest definitely can feel should be earnt, depending on the culture, like you say, some cultures do it way better than others. From personal experience, Spain is way better at it, much of it can be to do with the weather and that impacts pace of things.
There is certainly a trend of 'slowing down' in the UK, perhaps more as a marketing perspective, I see it everywhere, not that it's a bad trend, perhaps people are getting on board with it and it will have an impact.
As you mention we are sold apps, productivity and health hacks (although I love the pomodoro method) more than ever, or so it feels, when actually we need to listen to ourselves more, connect with others, ditch the phones, pick up the book, join a group, whatever rest maybe means to someone personally.
We need to go back in time in many ways and rest rather than reach for the quick sugar hit, screens and get busy doing nothing!
So well said Linsey, and I couldn’t agree more, less technology, more real human connections. Less marketing campaigns and quick fixes, more connecting with ourselves and figuring out what we need individually.
Great to have you here! Thank you ☺️
I have definitely fell victim to the “busy” trap. It’s been an unraveling of so much to finally reach a place where I am allowing myself true rest and feeling really good about it. Thanks for sharing!
Thank YOU for sharing, Amanda! So glad my words resonate and even more happy to read that you’re giving yourself the rest you need! What a journey to get there. 💖
I agree that often we feel like we have to earn rest rather than allowing ourselves to rest when we need to even if we didn’t accomplish everything we had on our list for that day!
Thank you for stopping by and reading, Leanna it’s great to connect over a shared passion and thoughts! Have a lovely, restful, weekend!
Thank you for this! Sometimes I feel like I need to be reminded that rest is essential and not a luxury. I always feel the need to be doing something, to be busy, and then sometimes feel guilty about resting before realizing how silly that it is.
Thank you for sharing Skyla. The more we openly talk about it the more we realise we’re not alone! Grateful for you :)
I loved this! The ability to rest shouldn't come at a huge cost, I'm a huge fan of simple ways of resting.
Exactly. Resting first the rest follow with ease ✨
‘The narrative of spoiling, treating, and deserving tells us it’s out of the ordinary and we should feel a bit guilty and should pay lots of money in exchange.’
Your entire post is fantastic and nailed SO much for me, and also, this… such a terrific point and an important perspective we don’t always include in this conversation. The commodification of rest, sold to us as ‘self-care.’ Ugh, makes me steamy!!
I’ve personally come to discover (only in my late 40’s!) how I’ve worshipped busyness. The easy default of it, seductive and pretty insidious really. And you’ve nailed it here… let’s not talk about giving ourselves permission, let’s just give ourselves the same attentions we give the other stuff. Period.
New to your writing, Carmen, and so glad to connect with you! 🙏🏻🧡✨
Bree, you’re too kind! Thank you for your generosity, for being here and supporting with your words! I’m so glad the words that poured out of my heart reached you and resonated. It’s so wonderful to read about your own experience and your reflections on rest. Hope you’ll enjoy my next post too :) xx
The pleasure’s mine, Carmen! Looking forward to next and will most certainly enjoy. 🥰
Thank you Bree! Just went live https://open.substack.com/pub/carmens/p/why-less-is-always-more-things-i?r=98fbu&utm_medium=ios 🥰 enjoy it when you have a quiet moment, no need to rush ☺️
I love this Carmen. So brilliant. I’m also in my 30s and in the process of moving out of London. I’ve realised the hustle and bustle of London meant my senses were constantly firing and usually from artificial lights and sounds. Perhaps something I craved in my 20s but not what my soul needs now. I’ve spent the last month away from London and I now know what it feels like to work sustainably and not just crash at the weekend and hope for the best. Such a great post and very timely. Thank you Carmen!
Ohh that sounds familiar, Anna, just that the need to leave London hit me in my late 20s 😅
hope you find a beautiful new home that provides all you need to feel nourished now, in your 30s. And I’m sure the sporadic trips to London will be still fun but then also serve as a great reminder why it’s not the main priority in life anymore to have the buzz of the city at the fingertips. X
“Sadly, this concept doesn’t give us the answer to every problem.”
THANK YOU. Thank you for offering help but not a silver bullet! Nothing is a silver bullet and our culture is so obsessed with this new one hack that will save your life or this ancient way of doing things that we just have to get back to.
Thank you for this piece but most of all thank you for being so real.
Thank you Melissa for sharing your kind comment and taking the time to read this post.
I’m so glad my efforts came across. You summarised my aim in a way I couldn’t have done myself. Will screenshot your comment to keep as a reminder to myself of why I write and what I want to bring across.
Language is so important and as a non English native speaker I’m really trying to get away from prescriptive words and only truths that our culture is so fond of. I really don’t enjoy reading that kind of content.
Yesssss! We don’t have to earn rest or worthiness. We are already worthy and we always have been. I love all of this, Carmen. Thank you for sharing!
Yes yes yes to reframing rest and untying false connections to worthiness - one nap or breathing exercise etc a time. 🧘♀️thank you for stopping by and restacking my post, Kelsey! Means the world 💛
Yes to the powerful in questioning whether one has rested enough to “do xx now” 🥂💫❤️💞🥰
💛 appreciate you, Elin! Thank you for reading, commenting and restacking! Means the world. Happy Easter weekend 🐣 xx
I love this Carmen, I think many of us are going through that transformation/realisation that perhaps we have been living life topsy turvy, (including me), which is why I love that quote so much. No wonder we constantly feel out of sorts when we're out of rhythm with Mother Nature, with our own bodies. I have found myself saying on more than one occasion 'have I got the energy for this', so now it's not a punishment, it's a gentle nudge of where I need to be. I'm learning more every day and that's perfect for me.
Love that you’re so in tune with yourself, Louise, and that you create life from a place of full alignment with your energy. Of course I’m not surprised you do, since this also comes across from your beautiful writing! Thank you for reading and sharing. Happy Easter weekend to you xx
Thank you so much Carmen, that’s very kind of you. Happy Easter Weekend to you too. xx
Gosh I have so much I could say about rest. I learned the hard way, too! Like most of us, I think. I wrote about the concept of creative rest for Emma Gannon earlier this year and I’m sure you’re familiar with the seven types of rest but I’ll pop a link to it just in case it’s new to you 💛
https://thehyphen.substack.com/p/instead-of-smashing-goals-how-about
Thank you for sharing the link Sarah! I remember reading this post earlier in the year (really loved the collab with Emma, too!) but will revisit it as I can’t recall details just, that I absolutely loved it. 🥰
And yes, I suppose we all learn „the hard way“ as resting in whatever form is just not present enough in our world.
Grateful you share your version and remind us all to rest too 💛
This is such an important topic of conversation Carmen…. And there are so many layers aren’t there to giving ourselves permission to rest?! It’s a whole lifetime… or several lifetimes really… of unravelling narratives about productivity. I was thinking yesterday how I come from a line of women who have worked really hard… my grandmother was in the WAF in the war and always worked, my Mother has her own business and now I feel like, while on one hand I’m so inspired by them and they have shown me what is possible… it’s also hard to disentangle from the ‘hard work ethic’… especially as I was celebrated as a young woman for ‘how hard I worked’ when I juggled several jobs and worked 7 days a week. Ooof lots to say here!!! Thank you so much for this contribution and for sharing about our ritual guide and event… I so wish you could join us. Xxx
Thank you Lauren for sharing your family history and probably also belief systems about how work should be done and that “hard work” is the only way… I have the same in my family, more on my dads side.
This really sonates: “It’s a whole lifetime… or several lifetimes really… of unravelling narratives about productivity.” —> oh yes layers upon layers and I love the fact that there’s no deadlines and we can all explore, learn and iterate in our own time - life time. 🥰
Sending you love for the event! X
Such a lovely post. I’m not sure why cramming everything in became a thing but I much prefer your way and add lots of rest and restful creativity into my day. Will check out these resources too! ✨
Thank you for stopping by and leaving such kind words, Kate!
The hustle for more becomes most apparent in a big city during rush hour when we just stop and stand still. People literally would run us over to get to their destination asap without compromise. Fascinating observations we can make once we’re more rested. Xx
I don’t miss travelling into central london when I was in my twenties, I stopped as soon as I could!
I feel you. So did I. The commutes in London were too much.
I loved reading this Carmen, so much ancient wisdom that strangely also feels revolutionary in this age of busy as a badge of honour. I resonate deeply with your experience of busyness and external validation in your 20s. Thank you also for reminding us that we don’t need to do anything in order to ‘deserve’ or ‘earn’ a right to rest — instead it is intrinsic to our wellbeing. Thank you so much for including our slow emergence ritual and our in-person gathering too, so very much appreciated! xx ps writing this message from the lake at Ally Pally which I know you know well! xx
Ohh the lake at Ally Pally, or anything there.. yess. 🥰 I loved the view so much as I needed the perspective. Sounds weird but maybe because I grew up in the alpine region and was always able to see the horizon, I felt suffocated between buildings in London. I was always in search for some high buildings or hills or something. 😅
I feel like your past career and mine now do have some overlaps and similarities. I’m still trying to figure out how to nourish myself in the corporate world. I was able to gather from your written pieces that you had to find that for yourself in the heights of your busy work life too! Xx