Why less is always more: Things I quit to reignite joy in my life

On decision fatigue & why saying NO more often is key to saying YES to what truly matters.

We navigate through a sea of decisions every day; some are easy to make, others not so much. Some are fun, others cause discomfort. Some require no thinking, others rob us of sleep and deep belly breaths. Various sources suggest that the average adult makes 33,000 to 35,000 total decisions each day, including what we will eat, what we will wear, what we will say, and how we'll say it. (HBR, 2023)

This is a lot of thinking. Don’t you think?

We all have our own relationship to decision-making and its processes. What’s yours, how do you feel about decisions? No matter what decisions and how we make them, we tend to overthink everything, which often stops us from actually experiencing life. However, I would argue there’s generally no right or wrong decision, just options. We make mistakes, we learn, we evolve.

All roads lead to Rome. Anonymous.

Don’t they?

YES! Life unfolds and takes unexpected turns constantly. So let’s focus on what truly matters to us. The rest will follow.

I used to be so attached to making the “right” decisions, even about seemingly unimportant things, that I often felt paralysed. The endless possibilities of our time seemed overwhelming. I know now that many of us feel decision fatigue at one point (or many points) in our lives. For me, it manifested as physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and general frustration.

Is decision fatigue a luxury problem or a natural consequence of life in a world that throws endless options and opinions at us no matter where we look?

I have no answers. I am here to ask more questions. 😂

I’m in my early thirties, an age bracket considered to be the busiest when it comes to making big life decisions. However, for me, it wasn’t all about the “important” things in life. My '“problem” was that I was over-analysing everything. Everything!

I lost the joy and appetite for fun things. I felt like I had no energy and time and was often choosing things that didn’t serve me. I hated how social media, news and wellbeing gurus made me feel and how all these external opinions made me question myself, my knowledge and my own experience.

We are meant to believe we know nothing, need everything and do life all wrong.

No wonder many of us may feel overwhelmed.

No wonder we may experience decision fatigue.

No wonder 30k decisions a day may feel like a burden at times.

I was fed up with it all.

I needed to say no.

Drastic changes presented me with new time for creative exploration. At an art workshop in my neighbourhood, I painted these 2. Later I realised, the colours matched my Alchemy Crystal Singing Bowls I use for Sound Baths.

I needed to quit.

I needed to drastically reevaluate what I was consuming so could hear my own thoughts again. Feel my heart’s desires and experience the sweetness of life instead of constantly tasting the sour flavours of not-enoughness.

I wanted to respond from a place of rest again rather than stress (read my most-read post about why we’ve been sold a wrong concept of rest here if you want to dive deeper).

Marie Kondo style, I asked myself:

Does this bring me joy? Does this fit into my life, does it fit Me, does it have a function and purpose?
If I got a full-body yes, then it was a YES.
If it was a clear no, then it was a clear NO.
If it was a maybe…then I put it on a list to return to…or forget about it.

As all this aligned with the start of the winter, I went into hibernation mode. Reevaluation and lots of resting followed. Slowly, I am emerging now, having shed layers.

Over the last 3 months, I quit a lot and have gained time, sleep, joy, clarity and creativity back in exchange.

My life slowed down, it became more quiet. And I started to feel more like myself again.

What I needed to quit or change my relationship with:

• Instagram.
  Other than staying up to date with my friends around the globe, there are no reasons for me to be there or return any time soon. I don’t use it for business. I caught myself scrolling as a coping mechanism with exhaustion, overwhelm, and boredom. Additionally, I do not use Facebook and TikTok. I am teaching my partner not to send me Twitter tips I do not need. 🫢

• Reading the news.
  I am not ignorant of what is going on in the world. I am both passionate and interested in global politics and have a degree in the Social and Political Sciences. I choose to read selected articles and deep dives rather than breaking news.

• Podcasts, newsletters, free webinars and events and even books.
  I asked myself: Does the voice of the speakers, the content and the thoughts bring me joy? Do they add value to this chapter of my life? The answer was No in 90% of the cases. Despite my love for writing, hosting and attending workshops, and reading, I know my capacity will ebb and flow. Currently, I cannot support every writer, creator and artist as much as I would love to and that’s okay.

• I set healthy boundaries with Extreme Modern Spirituality.
  I left a women’s Whatsapp group where every life experience was explained through astrology. It all just felt too much. I needed boundaries around these (for me) overwhelming and anxiety-inducing conversations. I was reminded that a village, women’s circle or gathering of any kind always requires holding for everyone to feel safe. While a host should be able to hold the space, we cannot place the responsibility on them alone. We owe ourselves to look out for our needs. 💛

• I made a conscious effort to reduce Multi-tasking.
  Meals without podcasts, YouTube (I do not own a TV) or work emails. No grocery shopping while doing phone calls or recording voice messages. I do not have more time in the day, so I need to evaluate and do less.

I picked up photography again and enjoy exploring textures and colours.

As humans, we naturally want to bring joy into our lives and live from a place of “I have the capacity and the choices I make serve and support me”.

By sharing what I personally needed and what actions I took to reconnect with myself, I am not saying you need to quit the same things. I am purely hoping the stories serve as food for thought.

YOU know what’s best for you, no matter what others may tell you. So, be your own caring parent who removes you from the sports club you’re not thriving in or the pottery class you hate.

By doing so, we sometimes need a holding hand and a gentle squeeze to be reminded that the essence of living is not about optimizing every aspect of our daily routines but about experiencing life itself.

• For some, mentors can help bring clarity and a safe space. I worked with an incredible mentor for 15 months and it’s been the most transformative time of my life. I have also mentored women at different crossroads in business and life for years. If you think I can support you, please reach out. I’m here for you!

• For others, the lines between decision fatigue and depression or anxiety are thin and the support of a therapist may be the best choice. We do not need to figure these things out alone, getting help is normal and the right type is key!

• If you want to get more creative in your own time (I truly believe there is healing through the arts and crafts, no matter how talented or experienced you are) check out 5 slow living hobbies to encourage calm & creativity by

  Emily Male
  or
  Elin Petronella
  ’s Mindful Embroidery Book and her Academy.

If you do not know what fills your cup, nourishes your heart and brings you joy…

…essentially, what You want to say YES to more often… I suggest identifying what eats your time and depletes your capacity first. Find out what you want to say NO to, and the things you want to commit to have space to come into your life all by themselves.

Explore. It’s meant to be joyful. No answers are needed. Just introspective questions! Life is not about daily process optimisation but truly LIVING.

Instead of traditional Spring Equinox or Easter Rituals, I collected spring flowers on my many walks to create a garland for my hallway. Simple. Joyful. What I needed this year.

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy my other one on:

On creative ways of living that improved my mental health and made daily chores enjoyable

Have you quit anything recently, what’s your relationship with media, news, and multi-tasking?